I'm sorry to you all, I disgust myself, I deserve to be this fat and to have gained. So today I am not eating, no food shall pass my lips. I know my trigger now, it's the same every time. Being downstairs...near the bloody kitchen, especially on my own. So from now on I will stay in my room like I used to. Reading and looking at thinspo, chatting to friends, doing ANYTHING but go down to the hell room. Why on earth do my parents LOVE the kitchen so much? It is our social room, they are always in there, we NEVER use the living room, no wonder we're all fat!
Urgh! I feel so goddamn SICK of food, I hate it, and it pettrifies me. I KNOW eating it will make me gain, why do I touch it. No more, I swear to God I will fast for as long as possible, I'm going to throw out all my food, I'll keep one soup for appearances sake, and in case I am so shit I need to eat. So no solids shall pass my lips, I will allow just a few things past them.
Coffee (black, no sugar)
Diet/Zero coke (1/0 cal)
Green Tea (1 cal)
Gum (under 3cal)
That is it, I do not deserve anything else, i do not want anything else. In fact anything else disgusts me, even my pure veg soup! So I'm going to surf thinspo for a while, go down do my 2/3 hrs ironing, then go to the gym to burn at least 1000 cal.
188...how on earth did I let myself get here again!
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