Lasted 90hrs

til I stuffed my face as usual! Awoke at the grand weight of 184.8...now I'm going to bed i'm 186.8...2lbs heavier! Urgh, i hope I lose a pound tonight! Wish I could go without food forever. I can't bear to write anymore, I've gone from being ecstatic to miserable. Hopefully I will have better news tomorrow

Day three of Ana fast

Sorry didn't blog yesterday, internet troubles. But I have good news, I am still fasting! Whoo hoo. I will start with yesterday.

I had extreme hunger throughout alot of the day, but I was so angry with food, that the thought of eating it made me feel ill. I had such hunger thoughout the night I couldn't sleep until 2 am, but I didn't let it stop me! My intake was:

1 Diet coke (1cal)
3 Coffees 1/4teaspoon sugar (12 cal)
Water (0cal)
= 13 cal

Swimming 40mins non-stop -480 cal

Calorie Deficit = -467cals

Today I woke up hungry...VERY hungry, but I was determined to go into ketosis...which I am now in...FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!!! I chewed a piece of gum (petrified about calories, checking sites to find out how much carb/cal it had!) it thankfully made cravings go away. Survived the day on much more coffee and diet coke...starting to worry about diet coke now, many sites believe it can lead to obesity! So I may knock it on the head once my bottle is finished. Was very weak at the gym today, didn't manage to go to spinning class, or to finish my weigh training, I could hardly lift the weights! Urgh it feels so pathetic, esp after my workout on tuesday! So this is my day

Diet coke x2 (2cal)
Coffee x4 1/4teaspoon sugar (16cal)
Water (o cal)
1 piece gun (2cal)
= 20cal (seems farrrr too much!!!)

Workout weights + cardio -343cal

calorie deficit = -323cal

My scales this morning said 186 (which I was NOT happy with but hey) but now, this evening say 187!!! Of which after all my starving i am sooo angry about! This is just not right! I will try no to judge this until morning weigh, but so far I am NOT happy!

Hope you are all staying strong, and remember Ana and I love you xxx

Caution...bad language!!!

This is a letter to Eddie (Ednos)


Ed, I HATE you, you are the bane of my life. Would you just die and leave us all alone. I do not even believe it is Mia who makes us binge...it is YOU. The compulive eating habits are you fault, tricking us, making us feel secure. Letting us believe it is ok to eat, to have more, one more slice, open that cupboard see what is inside. You are a bastard and I will kill you from my life, starve you from ever existing. What you have done to me, Steph and countless others is beyind forgivable. You are the sin of gluttony and greed. You trick us into believing it's ok, BUT IT's NOT you FUCK!
You will never stop us, you will not make us fatter, for Mia is there when you do trick us, and when we are strong Ana is there to guide us further away from you. When will you just piss off and realise our tools are stronger than you, our will and control greater. We have so many ways to fight you, you cock! We can take pills, purge, restrict, fast, c/s, workout... You will NEVER take us away from our goal, our desire to feel and see our bones. To be happy looking in the mirror. You will NEVER make us give up hope, though yuo may try, we will always be victorious, because Ana is stronger than you will ever be.

You are just a worthless Fat old Bastard, who likes to see others in pain. Telling them it's comfort eating! HA! There is no comfort in being fat, only thin. There is no joy in eating, just despair. We know you tricks and you will not trick us anymore.

You will die by my hand you cock sucker, I will make sure of it!

Trainspotting

I watched trainspotting today, I found it inspiring. I saw myself as a smack addict (just replace food with smack) and realised that I just need to go through one hard cold turkey to get back to normal. It has been a fantastic day, that bastard Eddie has not reared his head, and all I have had is Ana...sweet blissful Ana, speaking words of encouragement to me all day.

I have stuck to my plan, today i have ingested:
Diet coke 1 cal
Water 0 cal
Coffee (1/4 teaspoon sugar) 4 cal
=5 cal

I have burned:
Weight training (30min) -355cal
Cardio (30 min) -252cal
Circuit training (1hr) -1107cal
= (2hrs) -1714cal

Making a defeceit of -1709cal

Tomorrow I will go swimming, go to running club and do my usual workout.

I threw away a few portions of soup this morning, so my parents think I ate, oh and a salad which I know I wont eat. It felt awful throwing food away, but I'd rather that then my mum realise I'm not eating! Or heaven forbid, me eat it! Cause I do NOT want to eat. I want no solids, the smell of the soup made me feel ill, funny seeing as yesterday it smelled and tasted divine. But the thought of food right now, is just horrific.

So now I am in bed, and for some strange reason I weigh more than this morning...189.4! BUT I will not judge this until I see morning's weigh, let my liquids absorb, sweat and be peed out first :)

So roll on tomorrow, I have NO hunger (thank Ana) and I'm feeling positive for a brand new, lighter, day!

Keep strong beautiful people! xxx

2 Half pound gain!!!

I'm sorry to you all, I disgust myself, I deserve to be this fat and to have gained. So today I am not eating, no food shall pass my lips. I know my trigger now, it's the same every time. Being downstairs...near the bloody kitchen, especially on my own. So from now on I will stay in my room like I used to. Reading and looking at thinspo, chatting to friends, doing ANYTHING but go down to the hell room. Why on earth do my parents LOVE the kitchen so much? It is our social room, they are always in there, we NEVER use the living room, no wonder we're all fat!

Urgh! I feel so goddamn SICK of food, I hate it, and it pettrifies me. I KNOW eating it will make me gain, why do I touch it. No more, I swear to God I will fast for as long as possible, I'm going to throw out all my food, I'll keep one soup for appearances sake, and in case I am so shit I need to eat. So no solids shall pass my lips, I will allow just a few things past them.

Coffee (black, no sugar)
Diet/Zero coke (1/0 cal)
Green Tea (1 cal)
Gum (under 3cal)

That is it, I do not deserve anything else, i do not want anything else. In fact anything else disgusts me, even my pure veg soup! So I'm going to surf thinspo for a while, go down do my 2/3 hrs ironing, then go to the gym to burn at least 1000 cal.

188...how on earth did I let myself get here again!

FAT DISGUTING PIG!

Urgh I just had a massive binge, I feel so fat, heavy and disgusting, I can't even purge cause my parents are up, and my mum has heard me twice this past week already. No wonder I'm such a fatty, I can't even stick to my soup. I am so ashamed and disgusted with myself, how am I expected to lose weight when I eat, toast, pizza, toffee pudding, biscuit...

Arghh, it all adds up to about 1100cal :(

I'm so nasty, I'm so sorry. Why do I do this, food is the enemy, it NEVER makes you feel better, only worse...and yet there I go sneaking food into my fat gut. I'm just going to cry myself to sleep tonight and pray to god i don't gain much!

From Water Fast to Veg soup Diet

hello lovelies, hope you're all having a super skinny day! I realized my binge last night was a warning...I can't fast, ok I can fast for a day, but my stupid eddie head won't leave me alone. My mind was reeling all last night and this morning. Stephanie was so lovely, she was fine that I'm not fasting with her, I think she's amazing to do so for a week...I just KNOW that if I joined her, it's end up in a week of binge/purge... I stopped it, to prevent a failing and I'm doing something more managable :D

SO I decided to try something else :) a soup diet, I made two yummy soups today, both different so I can't get too bored. One is a mix veg and cabbage soup all chunky and clear, the other is a spicy red pepper soup (which is OUT OF THIS WORLD!) Both low cal, low carb, full of goodness, no crap going inside this fat body this week! No Sir! Hehe, kind of looking forward to seeing what loss I make. Only had one bowl today, couldn't face anymore, not after tasting whilst cooking!

Literally just had another detox bath, god they kill me. But hot and cold both raise metabolism, so it's all good :) Had todays one with ginger, epsom salts and baking soda. Wondering if I make a loss from it...well more HOPING than wondering hehe.

I have 27days to lose 24 pounds...that is around the date I think I will see my ex boyfriend, and boy do I want to look good for that, hehe. But it is very achievable, I will then be 161lbs...stuff it, lets go for 159lbs hehe why not! 27 days, 26lbs...fingers crossed!

Mantra for the day: Water is a girl's best friend

Photo test

It's been a long time since I've posted pics, so I thought I would put my first and ones from today next to each other, just to see if there's any difference. If you have a weak disposition, please turnaway now, I am disgustingly fat! If you do see any difference, please let me know, i'd love to hear from you all xxx I can't see a difference, I see just FAT! I actually think I look fatter! :(


Before 205lbs and Today 187lbs



Before 205lbs and Today 187lbs

Update

I have had a detox bath, anyone that has not had one I advise HAVE ONE NOW! There are many types, the best I have read up about are ginger baths, and epsom salt baths. I had neither, so I had a sea salt, bath salt and lavender oil bath, VERY HOT. Stay in it for 40mins, after about 15-20 you should really start to sweat, if not make it hotter. Your skin is like another liver, so it expels water and waste. Fomr sweating you can get rid of impurities and toxins through sweating. So I did, man I nearly fainted by the 15min mark, but stayed in with my will to please Ana, who would have tormented me had I left early. I really though I was going to pass out and drown lol, but hey any pain is worth it huh!

So after my bath I reweighed and guess what! I was 196.2!!! I lost a pound, and I'm not worried either as my pee was still clear so I am hydrated still. I was so so happy...until...

I BINGED! Urgh I'm such a fat pig! I had pitta, tomato, mustard and ham. That would have been fine until my stupid ed brain tells me...eat more, eat more...it's your last day, go on, eat more :( so I did. I had fries and scampi with tartare sauce, and a digestive biscuit. I could feel my stomach stretching over so much stupid food.

MIA TO THE RESCUE!!! She was so so kind! It came up practically automatically, i hardly had to try. It even looked like more than I ate! Oh thank you Mia, without you to be there when I fall how would I ever succeed? It was so easy! I felt so so much lighter after it, and all I wanted was water, It made me think, why on earth did I want food in the first place? It's my stupid brain that wants it, not my body! But I DON'T want it, I hate how ed plays tricks on me, making me do things I don't want to. All because I'm downstairs alone in the house, the kitchen next door. Knowing my parents won't see me eating, I don't like people seeing me eat anymore. Especially binge! I just had my nightime weigh, and i'm 197, same as this morning, so I've been lucky I suppose, even though I saw the 6's today :( I'm hoping I lose over night.

Took more lax, just to be cleaner for my fast, and will have a ginger and epsom salt bath tomorrow.

Hope you're all well beautiful butterflies xxx

So far, so good, getting excited!!!

Hello beautiful wintergirls, as you can see I'm still feeling pretty upbeat and happy! Last night I took some lax, and this morning I weighed 187! I'd gone to bed at a whopping 191! So I have cleansed myself just a fair bit for tomorrow's fast.

Took my dad to the gym today, he loved it :) We had a great time, and we really pushed one another beyond out normal limits! I pushed 80 kg on the leg press!!! Hehe, feeling happy. I'm preparing myself a detox bath of Sea salt, bath salts and lavender oil. I wanted Epsom salts too but the shops are shut. Hoping to feel myself sweat out lots of impurities and toxins, it a body this fat I must have tonnes lol. I'm sure my water fast will get rid of lots too...

I soooo can't wait to be thin and beautiful, to be pure inside and out. I have 28days to lose 28lbs, I'm meeting my ex boyfriend and I want to look good (well better than I am lol) to just show him what he's missing, hehe am I cruel? I hope I do it, hopefully I can lose at least 10lbs next week, then I won't feel so much pressure 21 days to lose 18lbs...well there's still alot of pressure lol.

Hey ho, I'm feeling toooo good to let it get me down. I've been bad in that I've not eaten every few hours, but I ate good today. I had my actimel tummy drink for breakfast and a black coffee. Then went to the gym for 2 and a half hrs with dad, drank my protein drink in the car. I had a stir fry with Brocolli, bok choi, sweet pea, green beans, garlic, chilli and prawns (200 cal) could only eat half though, so the rest is in the fridge. I had a choc petite filous too (55cal) So everything in total so far is 300cal :)

Might have a glass of mixed fruit juice later, just to top up my nutrients for the next 7 days, then that's it...I'm ready and prepared!

Mantra for the day: With determination, anything is possible

Ana's words

For fuck sake Jasmine, you have lost fuck all. What the hell is wrong with you? Do you want to gain and be a fat fuck all your life? Why don't you stop eating all together! You don't NEED food, look at you! You're body alone has so much fat, you don't need to eat at ALL! You need more exercise, you don't stretch, do yoga, you're so fat your not even flexible anymore. Why don't you run home from work? Why don't you get up early and run BEFORE work? Why aren't you doing sit ups before bed? You are fat and disgusting, you wonder why you're alone and unloved. It's cause your FAT, so fat, that men can't stand to look at you. You get naked and they feel sick to thier stomach, no matter HOW nice they are they can't handle looking at you anymore. You are a disgusting fucking disgrace. Sort yourself out! So it's all your fault, only YOU an change this, and you only have to do one simple fucking thing, LOSE WEIGHT! It's not that hard! Look at how many skinny beautiful girls live here, and then look at you. Obese, rolls of fat, cellulite, dimples, stretch marks, sagging arms, hanging belly...who the FUCK would want you?!?! NOBODY! So get your goddamn act together and get with the program. LOSE THE WEIGHT OR BE MISERABLE FOREVER, miserable and FAT!


Thanks Ana...I needed that, you always know what to say.

Just fucking do it will you, I'm losing my patience!

same weight

Kind of a relief to not have gained, so hope it's working. Got out of work late, so only got 20mins at the gym. Did some weights, only burned 276cals, but it's better than nothing i suppose. Ate a total of 670cal today, all this food is making me feel ill! I hate it, urgh, don't want to eat! One day to go...then i'm food free!!! YAY! Night weigh is 198.6 :( Hope I lose that pound tonight!

Dreaded Plateau of Despair

Hehe, that sounded a bit drastic huh! Well, my weight loss is slowing, and more to my despair Steph's has stopped! Stupid plateau has caught up with us, soooo the plan!

Increase Metabolic Rate Emergency Plan!!!
1)Eat Breakfast!!!
2)Have AT LEAST 300 cal a day
3)Eat something every 3 hrs, no matter how small!
4)Drink a cup of green tea for every meal
5)Eat ONLY neg cal foods, turkey, yogurt, oatmeal and tuna/sardines/salmon (all Metabolism boosting foods)
6)Drink plenty of water (as usual lol)
7)Mix up exercise programme, do different classes, do more weights to increase basal metabolic rate, increase timings of aerobic exercises.
8)Take any supplements (myself...adios x2, allix2, green tea pillsx2, vitamin Bx2) everyday
9)Drink whey protein after every workout.
10)Get at least 8hrs sleep
11)Fidget as much as possible, try not to stand/sit still ever
12)DO NOT CALL ON MIA IF YOU HAVE EATEN/BINGED! (Sorry Mia, will miss you xxx)

So this is the plan for the next few days to get out metabolism back up to scratch, then we will shock the hell out of it by going on a 7day Water fast, hehe see how you like THAT crappy metabolism :)

Well today was a success, I have eaten FAR more calories than recently (785cal!!!) .YES it was very very scary and hard to eat so much so often, BUT I keep reminding myself over and over this is 3 days...I know I may gain, but I know I can lose much faster once my Met is up! I'm petrified to go on the scales, i usually check them about 3 or 4 times a day...now I'm scared to go on them for the second time, I will try to leave it for the morning in the hope I will have lost some of what I have eaten. My control is the best it has ever been, so I am not scared of binging (so far, please Ed don't visit me!)

Will keep you all posted of course on the results...I am (upsettingly) expecting a few pounds gain...but I know the water fast will destroy it :)

KEEP STRONG BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! XXX