ABC day 2: Looking good!

Ahh what another fabulous day! I woke up to find that...wait for it....I'M UNDER 200LBS! Yes I woke up to find I am 199.8lbs, what a brilliant way to start a day. I've not exercised (yet , i'm hoping to do some crunches when my dinner has gone down a bit) so feel lazy and fat. But I ate 490cals today, so that I'm totally on form for the abc challenge! I want to try and stick as close to the recommended cals, or else I'll probably be on fast/100/200 everyday, which kind of defeats the object of the diet! Steph has really inspired me recently, and I swear I owe all of this to her and ana, not to me. But I don't mind how we get there, so long as we do! Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!

Absolute Bloody Celebration!

Sorry once again for the pics, but I can see a little difference so I'm chuffed, even if i'm still morbidly fat!

Well lovelies, what an absolutely perfect day! After yesterday's fast I woke up to having lost 3 pounds, meaning I actulally managed to lose something this week lol. I've finally bought myself some amazing scales, to tell me my body/water/bone/weight all in one! Not only that but I also got some brilliant green tea, caffiene and guarana pills which have had me buzzing like a teenager on speed all day! i've had NO appetite, I only ate a small salad (well I threw half away) because my mum wanted me to eat. I've danced in my house for about 4 hours like a loony (those pills had me wired!) this is the first time i've sat down, and I'm still not sleepy. Lovely steph has also had a brilliant day, we feel that skinniess is only around the corner. Ana has truly started to take us under her wing again, and we wonder so much why we left her warm embrace in the first place!

I'm so excited for tomorrow, I feel on top of the world like nothing can stop me reaching my goals! Stay strong and be beautiful everyone! x

The start of something truly beautiful!

As you can tell by my title, today has been a 100% success! It's 1.08 am and I am sooo happy, all curled up in bed, ready to tell you all about my day. So first of all it being Sunday, was a lovely excuse to stay in bed until 11.30am, ahh the bliss of sleeping, no hunger or problems, I don't even notice I'm fat when I'm dreaming. So I get up and feel all positive, thanks to my Steph's pep talk the night before, ready for a day of fasting.

But fasting didn't seem enough, I wanted to atone for my bad behaviour and so set off for town and the gym. First I did a little shopping, I bought an elastic band for my left wrist to ping whenever I have food thoughts or cravings; worked so far! Then I bought a lovely red chunky beaded bracelet for my right hand, surely with a reminder like that i can stay away from food, well I hope!

But my shopping did not end there, I went and bought an A4 scrapbook, beautifully adorned with flowers and creepers, a large fashion shoot mag, and some felt tip pens. Feeling kind of childish, but happy I sat in Costas with a green tea (NO YUMMY MILKY CARAMEL COFFEE FOR ME!) and sat there cutting and glueing thinspo, aswell as writing my own inspiring thoughts. This really made me feel invigorated, and I now know why so many do it. After my thin play (as I shall call it) I set off for the gym, with full intentions to have a swim first. Alas with it being bank holiday tomo, they closed early. The centre was open for 25 mins, my god you never saw me move so fast. I didn't even change I ran into the gym and jumped on a treadmill, went on it for 10 mins then the arm rotator (for my flabby arms) for another 10 mins, ok I only burned 136cals, but hey I wasn't eating so it's ok yeah!

But I left the gym feeling uplifted (I could have just walked away) but in need of more exercise, I had a huge heavy bag on my back but decided to march (not jog, the bag was too painful if jogging) all the way home, mostly uphill at a distance of 3 miles (5km) I know it's not alot, but I felt soooo good when I got home. And d'you know what! I haven't eaten anything! i've stayed strong. I'm so excited for ABC tomorrow, i promise not to let anyone else down!

Be strong! x

I'm sorry :(

I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday, but I am just plain ashamed of myself. I haven't been to the gym and I ate 900 cals yesterday. I thought that was bad until today...I was meant to fast due to my high calorie intake recently, and I did until 6.30pm.

Then I was home, and the kitchen called me... More so that usual, it screamed at me. I looked in every cupboard, fridge and freezer looking for what I could eat. I ate a huge bowl of pasta with tomatoes (450) but even though I was stuffed it wasn't enough. So I ate MORE, I had pitta and hummus and honey on toast. I'm so full and uncomfortable. I'm such a pig, I've failed so badly. I feel awful and fat. How will I ever be beautiful If I can't control myself!

Sorry for being down, I've had stress at work and my love life, so I think it's effecting me. I promise to do better! I really promise :(

Gym and Binge

I'm sorry to say but today I've been a pig (what's new) a total of 900 cals!!!! I know it disgusts me even thinking about it. Too much temptaion and I'm feeling utterly weak. I did burn off 450 cals at the gym in guilt, so I suppose it could have been worse. Right now I feel so angry with myself, why did I not just say no as Ana said! How will I ever get thin and beautiful if I stuff my face with rubbish. I'm worrying about my Big Weigh in on Monday now, I don't think I'll have done too good. But I WILL be good and complete the ABC diet. I just have too! Otherwise I feel like I will never take off my clothes again, I look at my fat sagging body and I want to cry and be sick. No one should look this disgusting.
All I need is some willpwower, to not reach for that extra olive, to not take another falafal. Just stick to my calorie restriction and I'll be fine.
Sorry I'm all down, I promise tomorrow will be a better day, or I think Ana will be so very angry with me.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Well, today has been unusual that's for sure. Today I was visited by greed and gluttony but thank god not Compulsive Overeating! I ate a lovely mooli sushi (50 cals) for breakfast (i know odd choice :P) and a banana(100cals). Knowing I only had 150 cals left for the day...I buy a pasta salad worth 300 cals! Why! I struggled with it, Ana was screaming at me to stop eating, but I continued...so she said, fine eat half and throw the rest. You know I stopped half way, and there was no bins,haha I used that pathetic excuse to eat the lot! Ok, I know it wasn't a catastrophic binge (all day 450cals when I should have had 300cals) but it has mucked up my ABC, I've yet to speak with my sunshine Steph to see if we should start over or not. BUT!!!! My lovely people, there is good news from this weakness! From the guilt of eating the evil pasta salad that put me over my limit, Ana has finally got my lazy arse into the Gym! It wasn't a killer workout (has bad stomach cramps from eating, and also have a bust back from sleeping on an airbed), but I did burn up a sweat and totalled 350cals burnt. So I think I can just about forgive my slip up, I will try to go to the gym after work (thu-sat) and if possible during the week too. Hope you are all feeling positive and good, remember tomorrow is another day we have to get it right.

Update: Arghhh, why oh why did I eat again! 244 damn cals from a stupid tin of spaghetti! What's wrong with me! PIG! So now I've had 694cals! YUK! That's really disgusting! I feel so damn ashamed :( I am the ugly...

Update 2:OK spoke with lovely Steph and she had a bad day yesterday, so we will begin ABC on Monday!!!

Hey hey what a brilliant day! Day two ABC

Well so far today i've become a mistress (i know bad girl), had 476cals and I've found an old great friend! No more drink for me tonight, that's all my calorie intake has been...apart from a naughty vienesse cake (176cals) so it's just smoke, pogt and good company! Feeling positive, two days of abc and i feel great! Sorry for my stoned blog, if nothing makes sense then...pah! Lol. Hope you're all having a great day.
Ana knows best! :)

Oh forgot to say, she finally got me off my fat arse. I walked for two hours non stop. I would have jogged, but I'm away and only have heels with me. Really excited for my days of weight loss. I will be beautiful!

ABC Day 1

Ok (sorry for sooo many posts, so much to say!) today I have started the ABC diet with my beautiful buddy steph. We have been supporting each other throughout the past week and will until the very end! I know Ana was a bit miffed at me for eating, but she knows I am trying my best and that I WILL stick to this diet for her. So this is day one and the cals to be eaten today are 500. I've just eaten some splendips (148 cals) and I found it hard to finish them, half of the dips are still there so I prob only had 100 cals... The only other thing I have to eat is some cornflakes semi skimmed milk (185cals) So I've not got enough for 500cal I know, but I should be ok...yeah?

Ana's words

'Look at you, you disgust me. You're so fat! And you wonder why you're all alone and no man wants you! Why would he want to be with a fat ugly pig like you, who'll eat him out of house and home. Do you really think guys like having sex with you? They probably do it as a dare, or because they feel sorry for you. Look at yourself!'

So of course I do, she's right she always is. I am utterly disgusting to look at, I'd never sleep with me.

'No one will ever marry you looking like that, who would want a fat wife? You've let yourself go before you even have them! No man would be able to carry you over the threshold! And you can't even get off of your fat arse and move. Do you WANT to lose weight? Or do you want to stay fat forever? Go on, get up, go and run somewhere'

Ana knows I only have heels with me, so why is she being so cruel?

Because you need it fatty. Why didn't you bring flats with you? Why didn't you plan ahead? You're useless and pathetic

She's so right...but I'm getting hungry. I really want to eat something.

You ate so much yesterday, or have you forgotten! Don't you want to be slim and beautiful! I would let you buy some fruit but you won't do that will you? You'll just eat crap like you always do.

Again she's so right, I will try Ana. I promise, but it's so hard. I'm so lonely

All you need is me.

Ok Ana, I hope so.

Bringing you up to date

Monday 23/08/2010 197 pounds

Every monday I will weight myself and print pictures of my ugly fat body (I'm sorry, but looking at it will stop any craving you have!) to show my progress due to Ana's loving guidance. And no I have not eaten yet today, and she is very proud of me, although she is not so happy about my exercising as of yet. But I will aim to please her.

So now here I am a few years later without dear Ana, and what am I FAT! In fact I'm the fattest i've ever been! I knew I had to get her back to me, if only she would forgive me for sending her away. I weighed a total of (please don't be sick) 16 Stone (225 pounds) pure disgusting! My thighs rub together, by butt wobbles, my arms are like an old womans all saggy and soft, my stomach is a horrid gelatinous mess. Something needed to be done, and I knew there was only one way to get her back and get her back fast!
And that's what I did FAST! From last Monday (a week ago) I stopped eating (I've had a few lapses but will explain) This was my get Ana back diet;
Monday: Water and a glass of very watered down ribena (23 cals)
Tuesday: Water, cornflakes with semi skimmed milk (185cals) and an espresso (2 sugar cubes) (50 cals)
Wednesday: Water and glass of robinsons fruit and barley watered down (20 cals)
Thursday: Water a packet of hula hoops (175 cals) and watermelon slice (46 cals)
Friday:Water and a Stupid chicken wrap (300cal) and a packet of quavers (89 cals)
Saturday:Water, Green tea (1 cal)
Sunday: Stupid binge day! Prawn sandwich (350 cals), quavers (89 cals) and two cereal bars (192 cals) Then I went out :( never again, three gin and slims and a quarter of a chicken kebab. I don't even WANT to know how many cals I blew over that one!

After this week, even with my stupid lapses, Ana is speaking to me again. In fact I don't think she ever left me. I've not been hungry on any of the days, just my stupid fat self had no self control and ate! But do you know what Ana did for me in this first week, how much weight she helped me lose?
20 pounds!!!!! In one week! I'm now 205 pounds and I'm not going to give in to eating no matter what my compulsive obessessive eating disorder says, Ana knows best. Only she will make me slim and beautiful!

My Shameful confession

I'm fat, there's no denying that, anyone can see it! I know I may alot of you feel sick out there and i'm sorry really sorry, but I'm doing this to shame myself, as a punishment for how fat I've let myself get! I've always had a problem with food, my mother brought me up to 'always finish my plate' even though I was given twice an adults portion. All tasty, but fat and calorie ridden that now makes me feel sick thinking about it. So I'm fat and have always been fat apart from once in my life...

I had split up with a guy that used to beat me, a long 3 and a half years of abuse. One day I finally had the courage to leave, with that courage came self respect, not from my size but I realised i could do anything. So many of my friends were slim and beautiful, so I said that's enough I'm getting slim! Everyday I ate the same thing, no breakfast, black sugarless tea, a small salad for lunch (no dressing, on occassion a tiny bit of plain tuna) and for dinner a small packet of noodles with veg. Slowly day by day Ana spoke more and more to me...

'Move your lazy arse, why are you sitting! You'll burn more calories if you stand you know'
So I would stand knowing she was right.
'If your standing you might aswell move! Jog on the spot, do push ups against the wall, run up and down the stairs, tense and release your muscles...every calorie counts!'
So I would obey her, knowing she was right...every single calorie DID count! For every one I didn't take I was gaining more control over my fat nasty self! And I did, one day my boss asked would i like some coleslaw on my salad, I nearly freaked out! Mayonnaise! How disgusting I though, I could just imagine the fat seeping into me, like an infection. I went home with avengence and checked out my noodles, and omg the fat content in the dry powder was astronomical!!! I'd been eating all of this fat every day! Ok, I WAS the slimmest I had ever been, but I knew I was still fat. I could see my lovely hip and collarbones, the looked sooo beautiful!
I threw away the packets and carried on my routine.
One day a little thing, apparently called common sense, said to me.
'Jasmine, you can't keep at this. You must have SOME fat in your diet,a small amount is healthy, you remember science class!'
I wasn't convinced, but then it said.
'Look at your friends, they eat all sorts of things and stay slim. It'll be ok, we'll just make sure you have tiny portions, then the calories stay low, but you get a varied diet'
The strange voice had a point, ok I will try. But my God it was Sooo hard. just to put a teaspoon of coleslaw on my salad. I could imagine that fat making me fat again. But each day it got easier, and I just maintained my weight. Ana slowly stopped talking to me a few months later. I guess that's when the trouble all began again...